As far as my essay goes dear readers my main point was to utilize West's research methods into the author of the blog I was looking at. So the main parts I would like you to focus on are the analysis of the four-step process used in West's article. Other than that, just small typos or grammar issues, and places where the writing doesn't really make sense because my writing is full of them.
Thanks for reading for me!
I enjoyed reading your essay! I thought it was very simple and to the point without any unessecary fluff. Your analysis of the excerpts is really detailed which is important. However, You use the word "could" a lot in this essay so you're not claiming anything? Your introduction paragragh could use a little bit more detail. I'm just a little confused about the thesis of your essay. I'm just curious as to why you didn't state, "so from these three identities I will be deciphering which one Adams is..." From my perspective you're stating that you have no clue what kind of identity Adams has. So, you're not trying to PROVE he has a specfic identity but you're trying to DISCOVER what kind of identity he has, right? I hope that makes sense, I don't want to confuse you. Your conclusion seemed a bit sudden, although I liked your inclusion of the Rettberg book. You use the word "situated meaning" a lot in the second paragraph so if you could swtich up the word choice it would be great. There were a few grammatical errors but nothing too serious. Overall you did great, but just clear up your thesis in the introuction paragraph a bit more and end the paper with a sense of more closure. Good Luck! :)
ReplyDeleteI would recommend that you take a stronger stance on your paper. As the other person said, I'd start by stating a couple of identities that Adams has in your introduction paragraph. By doing that, you move from discovering to proving, and your essay will be stronger. It seems that this essay is showing a few identities throughout, and if you said what they were at the beginning, it would help the reader. Also, the conclusion just suddenly appears from out of nowhere. If you used a transition sentence, you'd give the reader a signpost, and you wouldn't have to worry about going over page limit. All in all, though, it is a good essay. If you would like to discuss me giving you my essay, please email me before it is due on Wednesday.
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